Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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