How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Randomize
