and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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