So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
