Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
