how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
