Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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