My first STD was from a foam party
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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