Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
