Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Randomize
