just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
