Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
