I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
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