oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
