Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
