My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
