he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Randomize
