Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
