I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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