I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
