Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
