How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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