sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
