Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
