I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
