lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
