Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
