I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
