If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
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