Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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