Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
