He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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