I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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