I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Randomize
