WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Where did you get a picture of my penis
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
