well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
