I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
he quoted the bible to break up with me
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
