Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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