Michael Bay diarrhea
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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