omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
