Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
i now understand why vodka
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
