Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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