Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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