Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
How external is "for external use only"?
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
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