remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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