The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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