CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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