He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
