I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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