hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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