yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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