Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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