I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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